Hello, abs.

So, my obsession with working out and weight training is rearing its ugly head once more. I’d been slacking a bit after Peter and I moved in together — trans: I sit on my ass and watch cable TV — but I’m trying to get myself back in gear.

My left hip has been cramping up in the middle of righthanded turns, which is exciting in all the wrong ways. There’s nothing like trying to keep a line while little gremlins whack at your hip with tiny hammers.

Not really wanting to face a three-week, 6000-mile trip with cramped hips, I’m ramping back up to a regular workout routine. Instead of the daily 15 minutes of stepper plus 10 minutes of stretching that I’ve been doing, I’m going to start alternating in weight training and toning DVDs again.

People, you know your life is really pathetic when you finally (finally!) find “Buns and Abs of Steel” on DVD. This, sadly, made my entire week.

I’m proud to say that my abs, while not steel, are at least sturdy plastic; I could do the first of three workouts last night without wanting to kill myself afterwards. I spent an inordinate amount of time in the bath last night looking for signs of a six-pack, and was encouraged to find a ridge that, when stretched the right way, might conceivably be a toned muscle.

The buns are, sadly, a different story. The hips and buns are not steel. They are, more accurately, flimsy paper. Perhaps tracing paper. Considering all the walking that I do, you’d think my thighs would be a little less wussy. But no. It’s no wonder my hips are complaining; I have, literally, no flexibility at all. It’s a miracle I can walk without cramping up and falling over.

So, the goal now is to be able to ride the SVS for hundreds of cramp-free miles. This is a bit optimistic, as my muscles hurt and the bike still won’t start. But everyone has to have a goal, right?

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