I’ll be the first to tell you that, at heart, I am a deeply judgmental person (well, Peter may actually be first, but I’d run a close second!). This can be awkward and annoying in, say, any kind of social situation, but let’s be positive and see if I can use it to my advantage in creating an amusing journal entry.
blah blah disclaimer blah.
Please note that absolutely none of these map perfectly to individual people; they’re conglomerates and etc etc etc. Also note that I fully admit to having been each and every one of these — with the exception of the JERK that PASSED ME in my OWN LANE — at one time or another. How else would I so well be able to describe their actions?
general riding pet peeves.
- First up on my list of motorcycling pet peeves is what Kim so eloquently descibes as hovercraft foot — that habit of letting ones feet hover 1″ off the ground for an inordinate amount of time after the bike starts moving. To me, this is the #1 sign that, no, sorry, you can’t ride. Pick your damn feet up!
- Lane manifest destiny. Hey, buddy, just because I’m on a motorcycle and you’re on a motorcycle and we’re both commuting does not mean that I want you to suddenly go WOT on me and zip past me in my own lane. Just chill for a second and I’ll change lanes and let you pass. Christ. (OK, I lied; this one maps DIRECTLY to that one jerk who did this to me just yesterday and made me remember that I frickin’ hate this. Hey, jerk, if you’re reading this, I’m talking to you! Yes, you!)
- Kum Bah Ya. I’m sorry. I am a cold and heartless person. See, unless you are a brand-new rider or have suffered some sort of injury, I do not want to hug you and hold your hand and sing your praises anymore. I want to go riding with you, not give you a cookie every time you pump your own gas. Though…mmmm, cookie.
group riding pet peeves.
- Death by blind spot. This one may not be entirely fair, but it drives me utterly batshit when the person in front of me rides at the exact speed that will place me SMACK DAB into someone’s blind spot. If I speed up, I’ll be tailgating my friend; if I slow down, I’ll be lagging too far back. Ugh! I can physically feel my blood pressure rising whenever this happens.
- Speedy Gonzales, our optimistic leader. Hi, yes, if you’re leading a group ride (which is defined by me as two or more riders intentionally going to the same place), you won’t win any friends by waiting for an exactly-one-motorcycle opening in traffic and then gunning it and leaving the rest of us at the stop sign. (note: this doesn’t bug me when everyone involved knows where we’re going and it’s a “destination ride” kind of thing — only when the leader really is supposed to be leading)
- The fastidiously unprepared. Darwin had a name for these people: the dead. I am your road trip friend; I am not your mother. Yes, OK, fine, you can have some of my snackies, my water, my maps, my bridge toll money, my sweatshirts, my ibuprofen, my sunscreen…
- Unnatural attachment to right hand lane. Cars enter and exit the freeway in the right hand lane. Group rides do not go in the right hand lane. Group rides go in the left hand lane. I do not wish to die now, thanks.
- Time warp riding. I feel older. I am older. I am older because we are moving at the speed of evolution. Entire civilizations are born, rise to power, and fall, and yet we are still on this road. Please. Accelerate. Just because we are in the right hand lane of the freeway (see above) does not mean we need to be going 45mph. Please. I age.
OK, what are some of yours? I know y’all are just as petty and judgmental as me; s’why I love you. So fess up! What drives you crazy about your fellow two-wheelers?